Sorrow.

This sorrowful grief I'm in right now, I felt it before. It feels very familiar to me somehow. And that was back in 2007 when I felt so devastated that I got no offer to enter boarding schools.

But somehow it is slightly different now. Back then I cried for months because I was so disappointed in myself. I couldn't accept the fact that I didn't deserve to enter any good schools.

Yet now, I keep on crying over and over again because of my parents. Because I've disappoint them. Just name one thing in this possible world that they haven't given me. They give me a car to drive to college. They give me pocket money per week. They give me everything that there's nothing else in the world I would ask for. Yet this is how I repay them. And for that I regret.

I don't know what happened to me that I become such. I don't care of the pointers. The only thing that upsets me is the fact that I have become one disappointment to them. I don't deserve any of this luxuries anymore. I miss them so much but I don't think I have enough courage to see their disappointed faces.

Oh Allah, lend me enough courage to break the news to them. Oh Allah, please soften their hearts.

I know with this news I'm gonna hurt their feelings. And that is the second worst thing in life after making Allah upset. I depend on Allah, and Allah only. That is all I have for now. Emotions are so unstable these days. Bye.