Grief.

Tears seems to be the perfect company for me at the moment. People with 3.8 are truly disappointed with their results. Then how should I feel with mine? I am honestly completely disheartened by everything now. I am not losing faith, but these wounds need some times before healing. I just can't imagine showing Ibu and Ayah of my results and.. Oh here goes the teary part again. I am sad, so so sad. Never have I felt this such disappointment. Maybe I did, but that was in 2007 when my application for SBP was rejected. I cried and cried and cried myself to sleep for absolute two months. Alhamdulillah I survived.

With this kind of results, I am suffocated by the thought of letting go of the dream to study abroad. There's just no chance anymore. Let alone choice.

I sound very much like I'm giving up don't I? But I just can't help it. This is too devastating. I need strength. I can't do anything right. I would just fail in everything I do, I would just break everything I touch. This is too hurtful. I can't take this. Oh Allah, lend me a bit of Your strength.

Maybe the thought of how others would look at me after knowing my results are pretty much bothering me. This part right here, I hate the most. I have been trying to rationalize and do some self talk and thought, but.. This is depressing. Very, depressing. Ya Allah, lend me Your strength. Amin.