Oh my results! Actually no the title ain't my results. It is actually worse. Can you believe it, because I can't. I did so bad, I don't know how to face my own self in the mirror anymore. Disappointing, so so disappointing.
We were given two results and the official one is *drumrolls* three point four six. I don't know what to say. Humiliation, pure embarrassment.
It is way worse than my expectations which I set quite low. What happened? Just what happened?
Seeing people smiling out of joy of getting four point zero, ouch. Or even for those three point eight. And they said they are disappointed.
The only reason for me to get back up and stand strong is Ibu and Ayah. I've been hit with such disappointment before, and how I dealt with it was quite depressing, which made Ibu as sad as well. And because of that I know I shouldn't give up. Not just yet.
Some friends are trying to cheer me up here and there. Alhamdulillah.
Yet just because I'm this disappointed doesn't mean I've forgotten all about my true duty here on earth. I am grateful for what I earned. Maybe my efforts were really this much. And for that I know I deserve this.
This could be a test from Him. It could also be a form of punishment to all my wrongdoings before. Whatever it is, I know He wouldn't give me something more than I could bear. Bi'iznillah.
Tears shall involuntary stream down now and then. Dozing off. Goodnight.
Ps. I miss Ibu. She's in Vietnam with adik adik and Kaklong. Ibu I'm sorry for being such a disappointment. I'm terribly sorry.
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