Lucky.

The tougher His tests are, the bigger His love is. And then I thought, the tests He's been giving me, they aren't even close to the ones faced by sisters and brothers in Gaza, Rohingya, Iraq, Syria.

How lucky they are. They may be living in fear, but this world is not permanent. Nothing on it is. How lucky they are to be promised paradise right after their death. Shahid. They are promised eternal happiness after going through the horrific temporary phase of life.

And us? Me? I am infinitely showered with luxuries, which could end up bring me closer to hell.

Sometimes I feel like going there to just die, in the most noble honorable way.

Astaghfirullahalazim. How ungrateful that sounds. There must be perfect reasons why Allah blow a soul into my body. I just have to figure it out myself. And not give up.

And not give up.